House rules
Last updated: 11/7/2026
Arrivals and Departures
- Check-in: 3:00 p.m. or later
- Check-out: 10:00 a.m.
Should you wish to arrive early or linger late, a telegram, message (or email) is the civilized course, and we will do our utmost to oblige.
On the morning of your departure, kindly take your leave by 10 o'clock. Our cleaning crew keeps a strict timetable and regards punctuality as the highest of virtues, as all household staff should.
As a courtesy, we would be grateful if you would gather your rubbish in the kitchen bins and set the bags outside the front door before you go.
On Smoking
Even though we regard cigars and pipes as most gentlemanly, smoking of any kind is forbidden within the house. You are welcome to indulge out of doors, provided all remnants are disposed of responsibly. Indoors, the only sanctioned vices are coffee, tea, and romantic poetry.
On Tybault, the Cat
You may see a feline guest occasionally cross the yard. Sadly, he no longer belongs to this house. Do not allow him, or any other animals, inside.
On the Ghost
What ghost? We don't have any of those. Who is spreading such scurrilous gossip?
On Lighting Candles
No candles are permitted to be lit inside Lapis Lazuli, even the 23rd of the month.
On the Matter of Occupancy
The number of overnight guests must match the number on your reservation. Additional overnight guests are a violation of the rules of society and also of your booking.
An Important Note on the Air Conditioning
Each guest may alter the temperature in their own room to suit their tastes. But please note that the air conditioning units are easily broken when tampered with, so please use the supplied remote controls to change the temperature.
On Safety
In the event of a fire, you have our full permission to make enthusiastic use of the extinguisher. It is located — along with a first aid kit — underneath the kitchen sink.
On Laundry
Our commercial-grade washer/dryer is at your disposal in the laundry room. Note that it only accepts high efficiency detergent pods.
Regarding Lapis Lazuli Minor
You are currently a guest of Lapis Lazuli Major. Lapis Lazuli Minor is the other side of this duplex, inhabited by the long-term Tenant. The Tenant has no access to your side of the house, and your privacy is entirely your own.
As with any good neighbor, a little consideration goes a long way.
Watch Your Head
We choose to believe the staircase is charming. It is more charming, however, if you duck.
Parking
The parking out front is reserved for your exclusive use.